Fashion (pronounced far-shunnnn) is always a major talking point at the TV WEEK Logie Awards. Who was wearing what? Who sizzled and who fizzled? Was Susie Elelman looking her absolute breast?
However, there's a little known secret about Logies fashion that I'm about to share. It's harder to prepare for the Logies when you're a man. I can almost hear the clanging of hairspray cans hit the floor as women nationwide gasp in shock and disbelief.
But here's why ladies…
1. Less Options
It's not uncommon to hear Logies ladies complaining about their multitude of dressing options - "Oh, it's just too difficult to decide which dress to wear! Shall I wear the fuchsia Wayne Cooper or the copper Carla Zampatti?" Well spare a thought for the men, who are pretty much limited to a suit and tie. Possibly bow tie. The colours range from black to navy, and grey. We don't even get the option of fuchsia. Less options means it's harder to stand out, and that's why we're all there, right?
2. No one really cares
Even if a man spends hours perfecting his outfit, sorts out his troublesome T-zone and exfoliates his entire body, at the end of the day, no one really cares how he looks. Check out every red carpet fashion rundown ever, whether it's the Logies, Grammys or Oscars. The images will all be dedicated to the fashion choices of women. It's nice to be noticed.
3. Guys don't accessorise
Sometimes the way to take an outfit from mediocre to magnificent is to jazz it up with an accessory. This is not really something many men get the chance to experiment with. Sure, we can buy some dazzling cufflinks, but unless you're an absolute eagle eye or have gigantic wrists, chances are they'll go unnoticed. MasterChef's Matt Preston has a monopoly on the cravat, so that's off the table and necklaces are a no go because visible jewellery on men is a bit weird (hands excluded). See, I told you it was tough.
4. It's all down hill
After showering, shaving, slipping into your suit, jumping in a hired car and arriving on the red carpet, there's something every man has to accept. In that moment, you're looking your absolute best; things can only deteriorate from here. Men don't really have the luxury of ducking off to the loo to reapply lippy or liner. So after a few beers, a decent feed and a little bit of a boogie, we've gone from looking like Ryan Gosling to looking like a used car salesman. The challenge is to get as much mileage as possible while you're looking your best - it's stressful, but hey, it's the Logies.